Publisher's Synopsis
If there's one lesson I'd like to share from my experience, it's this: You don't need to have it together all the time. You don't need to be fixed because you are beautifully flawed. We all are. Emotions are neither good or bad and in fact, most people actually appreciate and admire when we share them. Some of the more tender moments that I can remember in my life were when people told me how beautiful I was, not in spite of my feelings but because of them.
Excerpt"Be yourself." You hear it all the time. But are we really meant to be ourselves, all of the time? What about on a first date? A job interview? When you have a meeting with an intimidating manager or client, or lunch with your in-laws?
Being yourself can get confusing-and it's not always possible. As an energetic extrovert, I love new social encounters but have to tweak my style often. I have to gauge when I can truly "be myself" versus when I need to tone it down and show a more conservative side.
On the other hand, I coach a lot of introverts on how to dial their personality up and how to decide exactly when they need to. (If you're more of a quiet type, check out the introvert's guide to owning any social situation before your next big event.) However, there's no rule book for figuring out how much of your true self to reveal on a day-to-day basis (if only!). We only have our common sense to judge which version to present in any scenario.
First, the admonition to "be yourself" is not meant to enable denial of shortcomings that you can fix. If you're rude, for instance, this is a character flaw that should be dealt with for your sake and the sake of everyone around you, not just a potential love. Second, the self in "be yourself" does not include incidental or temporary characteristics, but elements of your core identity. Dr. Rettenberg brings up the example of unemployment, and highlights the absurdity of saying, "I'm unemployed, accept me as I am." Being unemployed is hardly part of one's essential self; at best it's a symptom of the poor economy, and at worst it's a reflection of poor character traits-and if the latter, then the person needs to work on those for himself or herself before considering their effects on their love life.