Vicariously Me

I was born into a normal baby-boomer family. My father was constantly searching for himself. He wasn't part of the great generation that fought World War Two, and he sure as hell didn't want to fight in Vietnam. His favorite movie was Easy Rider, with Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper. Harleys on an open road, free of responsibilities and government establishment bullshit. My mother wanted equal rights and liberation from male oppression. At the same time, she wanted a loyal, conservative husband, like her father was, and five kids. She ended up divorced with one kid, and had to work two jobs sometimes, while my father ran whores and motorcycles. See, told you... normal stuff. Fortunately, there were other people and influences in my life that taught me about God, Country, Family... in that order. I learned that there are consequences to my actions. Sometimes big and everlasting consequences. I learned to man-up, as they say these days. I found out early in life that entertainers and athletes were overvalued. Way overvalued. And yet people who have other gifts go unnoticed and are undervalued. A tall man who throws an orange ball into a hoop from thirty feet away... they wrap an arena around him and sell tickets to pay his salary of thirty million dollars. And, yet, a mother who gives birth and nourishes our future, struggles to eat, and gets no respect when walking down the street. Ever think about how much a hedge fund manager makes in comparison to a Navy Seal? I do. There was a time when I wanted everyone to notice me. I wanted everyone to know who I was. Now, I watch others do what I used to do... and I feel the force to go out there and do that again, but I cannot. I won't. Now, I know who I am, what I am capable of, bad and good. I know my limitations, too. Hey, I don't live in the middle of freaking nowhere without good reason. I once heard, it's okay to be wonderful... but, on the way to wonderful, one must first be alright. It took me a long time to figure that out.