To Kill A Coyote

To Kill A Coyote (TKC) does not align with a single genre. C. Joyce describes her emotional journey from heartbreak to empowerment through philosophical essays, short stories, and journal entries. It is part essay / part memoir / part journal with some really great poetic reflections added to the mix (yes, there is some personal bias in that descriptor). The author hopes the words and thoughts in TKC help guide others toward the life of their dreams and remember that they are amazing, beautiful creations. This book was written from the heart. The material is intimate at times - raw emotion put into words trying to make sense of life. C. Joyce's thoughts and observations are based on personal experience and she is not claiming to be an expert on any particular philosophy, theory, or religion. She is a pupil of the universe, working on becoming an expert at living her life in a healthy, beneficial manner and getting herself to a place where she appreciates the beauty that surrounds us every day. C. Joyce wrote TKC to describe her inner journey that started in 2006. It is a journey that starts with painful loss and ends with joy and celebration in the here and now. Feeling the pain of loss initiated her journey and eventually led to a new level of consciousness through acceptance, awareness, and faith. . . . What does it mean to kill a coyote? What wisdom was my body's knowing trying to transfer to my conscious self in the form of this tagline from a seemingly inconsequential dream I had in 2004 or 2005? It was a dream that had nothing to do with coyotes, not literally - not that I could tell. There were no animals in the dream. I dreamt about a divorced couple that had children and a broken relationship. In the dream, I helped that couple get to a place where they could communicate effectively, a place of fellowship and love. The subject matter of the dream did not strike me as very significant. Nothing captivating happened: no baby elephants swimming in the harbor, no giraffe gently holding my hand in its mouth. I had helped a coworker get back together with his ex-wife and reunite with his family. The last scene of the dream involved my coworker, his wife, and their children sitting around a dining room table talking and laughing.I wondered: Why did I wake up thinking, "to kill a coyote?" What did killing a coyote have to do with my vivid yet mundane dream about helping a divorced couple find harmony in their relationship with each other and with their children? The main oddity was the combination of the tagline and the dream. I did not see how they fit together, how they were related.At the time it did not occur to me that the dream might be about my marriage. I was in denial about the state of our relationship. Everything is okay, I told myself; our marriage is fine. Since then my marriage has ended and I realize that I was far from OK.. . .Maybe we only confront our greatest sorrows and fears at a time when we are prepared to weather the storm. Perhaps being blessed brought about my intense emotional struggle. Maybe my endless quest for knowledge finally brought me to the truth of myself - and what is education if it does not add to one's understanding of oneself and the world? There is depth in knowledge when one moves beyond the boundaries of what is expected, what is accepted. This is what coyote medicine teaches us if we are willing to be taught. The coyote forces us to look past the surface, to question appearance. The coyote asks: How can we understand the world if we do not even know our own heart and soul? What is your greatest sorrow? What is your greatest fear? What makes your soul sing? What are your dreams? The coyote instructs by creating and exposing illusions. If we remain unwilling to be instructed, if we choose unconsciousness - we will be controlled by our commitments and we will never understand the profound impact that we can have on others and in the world.