Publisher's Synopsis
The stories about everyday situations by award winning author, Sheli Ellsworth, target women, ages 35-80.Sheli Ellsworth has a master's degree in psychology she uses mainly to annoy family and friends. After many years traveling the world as a Navy wife, she lives with her husband and children in Southern California where she hikes, writes articles, short stories and professional book reviews. More of Sheli's sardonic wit can be seen on her blog, Dear Miss Betty-advice for those who need to be slapped. Go to dearmissbetty.com.Some of the 24 Chapters: Plump Shiny Lips Anyone? Have you ever used a cosmetic that resulted in disaster? I have a friend who gets Restalyne. Her lips look like dinner rolls right now.One-ply Low Flow Way-to-go My plumber set me straight, "Lady you need to either use cheaper TP or put me on retainer. You can't afford my hourly rate."The Pumpkin Master Who knew pumpkin carving had become an Olympic sport?Ladybug Lesson Okay, the directions did say to go outdoors before opening.Closet of Guilt I knew that eventually I would have to face my worst fear.Bob Some houseflies come and go. Bob loved me.Remember the Alamo Salmonella poisoning brought us closer.The Lemonade Diet Gallons of lemonade with cayenne pepper lowered my IQ at least 20 points but I looked good.The Walnut Polish Was my husband trying to kill me with spa gift cards?Was Prell "Product"? Life was different before "product." Aquanet may have been my first addiction.My Drawer of Shame What the heck do I do with all of these old cell phones I like better than the current one?Hiking Safety Who knew my father-in-law had an axe handle collection even Lizzie Borden would envy.Rodent Rescue In retrospect, leaving the injured squirrel in a box for my husband to find was probably a bad decision.Conejo Chronicles I had always loved bunnies . . . but now their mafia cousins were after me. This was war!Vittles for Visitors No one eats normal food anymore. I was shopping for organic fruit that looked as natural as a European armpit.Hiking with Mary She was afraid of everything.The Great Colon Caper How many people can write a funny story about their colonoscopy?The Pug, the Button, the Insanity Pugsley was smarter than I was.The Fundraiser Who knew that my husband's yoga adventure would get me to the opera?Raising Chinchillas My parents-in-law are always entertaining.Beep Beep If you are going to confront me in the parking lot, you better not have a face like the end of an Oscar Meyer wiener.Revenge of the Sugar Plum Fairy One wish at the Nutcracker ballet and I'm digging through eggshells, cat litter and coffee grounds.Weightloss 101 There are only three things necessary to stay in shape: A car with a standard transmission, a two-story house and a thirsty dog with a small bladder....Each chapter is filled with hilarious details from her life experiences from her drawer of shame in her nightstand to her father giving her an axe handle to hike with for safety. If you want to feel good and to smile, I recommend reading Sometimes I Pee when I Laugh.Staci BrownThe Ventura Breeze
