Publisher's Synopsis
Many People will no doubt be Highly Offended with a Capital H and O, by this Inspired Book: beCAUSE of being Worshipers of Capitalism, who have not even Considered the Multitude of EVILS that Capitalism have brought about in this World of Woes, which can Rightly be Blamed for more than 5,000 Evils - including the Low Sales Volume of this Wonderful Book, which should be Mandatory Reading in all Public Schools, Universities, Churches, Mosques, Synagogues, Temples, Government Orifices, and wherever People are Gathered, Worldwide: beCause this Book also Reveals the Best Solutions for all such Massive Problems, which is WHY Amazon.com offers a ONE-MILLION-DOLLAR REWARD to anyone in the World, who can Prove Mr. Twain's Solutions to be BAD! Yes, we are quite Confident that his Master Plan is Unbeatable, even if the Lady Doubtfulness Disagrees with us: beCause of having her Head Stuck in the "Tailpipe" of the Irreverent LOUDMOUTH Slothgut Windbag Hole-in-Thy-Head, who also has no Idea what Marvelous Things are Prepared for WISE Intelligent Well-Educated People, who have FAITH, Hope, Trust, Love, Patience, Persistence, and OBEDIENCE - that is, Obedience to the Master Farmer, Himself, who has given his own Special Sermon to us within this Delightful Book, which Reveals HOW to Raise our Standard of Living by many Times, while getting RID of Pollution, Poverty, Crimes, Wars, Terrorist Attacks, Taxes, and all Kinds of Slavery. Yes, it is one of the most Beautiful Sermons ever written, which Master Twain wrote within less than 40 Minutes by the Spirit of Inspiration, which is Guaranteed to put Capitalism Out of Business! Yes, that might Sound rather Frightening to some Greedy People; but, we Assure you that it is the Best News since the First Coming of Jesus Christ! In Fact, he will not Return for his Second Coming, until we Learn, Believe, Love, and OBEY his Commandments within this Enlightening Book! So, if we Want to Hasten his Return, we will have to Learn what he Teaches in this Marvelous Book, and then OBEY it. Yes, it is just that Simple and Beautiful. Otherwise, we will all have to go through the Great Tribulation, which will not be any Fun at all; but, if we Obey the Good Shepherd, like Humble Honest Sheeps, we will all be Greatly Blest, even with Beautiful Swanky PALACES! Guaranteed! Therefore, do not Listen to any Irreverent LOUDMOUTH Slothgut Windbag Hole-in-Thy-Head, much less any Irreverent Snake with a Long Tale of Outlandish Lies, who Strikes at the Colorful Peacock from Angel Ridge, King's Mountain, Kentucky, with the Poisonous Fangs of Hate and Revenge: beCause the Master Farmer will Chop Off his Tale of Lies with his Sharp Sword of Divine Truths, and leave him with an Empty Offering Plate! Guaranteed! Indeed, whomever does not Humbly Submit to the Sword of Truth will be most Ashamed during the Day of Judgment, which is soon to Come, when all Mockingbirds and Painted Skunks will Wish to God that they had Studied this Humorous Book, first, just to Sharpen up their own Swords of Truths. After all, if Capitalism is such a Holy Institution, it should be Easy to Defend it with a Capital D. However, we Assure you, and with a Capital A, that it is NOT Easy to Defend: beCause, like a Deceptive Snake, it Drags more than 5,000 Evils along with it! Yes, Capitalism is the Love of Money in ACTION, which, according to the Apostle Paul, is the Root Cause for almost all Evils. Therefore, if we Want to be on the Right Side of History, we must Learn what the Master Farmer has to Say about Right and WRong, Good and Evil, and what to Do about it with a Capital D, which is most Reasonable, Logical, and Lovable! Absolutely Positively Guaranteed. Moreover, if you Imagine that you cannot Afford to Buy this Good Book, it is Time for you to become a BEGGAR; or otherwise, just Skip a Meal of some Dainty Dish of Crocodile Food: beCause it is well Worth a thousand Times more than we are Charging for it! Guaranteed! Have FAITH, O Lady Doubtfulness.
