Self Imposed Exile Poems of Queer Beginnings

As Morrissey once said during an amazing performance of The Smiths' song 'Big Mouth' (Live at Earl's Court):
The past is a strange place.

My curation and edits of the following collection of poems try to preserve the raw authenticity of my earlier works. From the tragic loss of a beloved partner in 1994 to the rigors of a mandatory military service, from credulous college years to first steps in wrong career moves, the collection reflects a young man dealing with coming out and the inevitable loss of innocence in America. The former young man on display here is now comfortably enjoying his mid-life crisis by looking back and un-pausing memories during a pandemic induced lockdown in New York City. These are reflections of tumultuous beginnings and, at times, hilarious false starts; snippets of a queer artist's adult life as it eerily unfolds.

As a queer American citizen of Turkish descent - a notion that might well be a Republican's worst nightmare - the poems cover a gamut of experiences including the early years of a life without much familial support. After having received a full scholarship from Berklee College of Music, a self-imposed exile of sorts was self-inflicted; navigating many a low-paying job to make ends meet and combating homophobia both at home and in my adopted land.
Looking back, I still have tremendous affection for this young man, even though I was pretty hard on him back in the day. It's been hard to shake off the perils of the so-called American dream, not to mention warding off many a seduction of yesteryears. But he did it. He worked hard to be a good writer, musician, producer and unapologetic truth-teller. I should have said this many years ago: I do love him.
For he was a good kid and a fine young queer man.

T.J. (April, 2020)

T.J. Armand is an award-winning Turkish-American writer, composer, and producer with a diverse artistic portfolio spanning three decades. His debut poetry collection, "Self-Imposed Exile - Poems of Queer Beginnings," reflects 56 selected poems of his earlier works.

Mentored by Grammy-winning producer Arif Mardin, Armand received a full-scholarship from Berklee College of Music in 1990. As a producer and concert promoter in the U.S., he worked with many artists including Chaka Khan,
The Manhattan Transfer, The Queen's Six, and Tony nominee Mary Bridget Davies. Notably, he co-founded
Armand and Paiva LLC with his partner Carl H. Paiva, specializing and investing in stage productions (such as The Great Comet, Merrily We Roll Along, Sama, and Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own). In 2017, he established his music publishing company, TJ Armand Music, LLC and in 2024, he formed Arpa Press focusing on LGBTQ literary works. A staunch advocate for LGBTQ and Climate Justice causes, Armand currently resides in New York City.
(Source: TJArmand.com)