Publisher's Synopsis
US PRESIDENT EDSEL KRUNT HAS BIG PROBLEMS
He is chasing re-election but is behind in the polls and embroiled in a war of words with a hostile news media, and up against a charismatic challenger with a message of change.
His first term in office has been dogged by numerous sex scandals, allegations of corruption, salacious gossip surrounding his cocaine-addicted eldest daughter, ponzi schemes, and the spending habits of his errant 26 year-old media-hungry nude-model mistress Karla Lexington - whom he denies knowing.
And that's not all.
His flagship policies of abolishing Schedule 1 drugs and introducing voting restrictions on unmarried women have all been challenged in the Supreme Court.
His humiliated wife is having an affair with his Secret Service bodyguard and wants a divorce.
Increasing numbers of celebrities are speaking out against him and political rivals have secrets to spill.
And that's not all.
For payback in helping him get elected, Krunt has promised to award the state religion contract to new-age prophet of profit L. Richmond Greenbacks, founder of the controversial Church of Profitology.
But the contract has not yet been signed, even though substantial upfront payments have already been taken.
And there is the not-so-small matter of scrapping the First Amendment of the Constitution as part of the deal.
And that's not all.
Down in the Bible Belt there is more trouble brewing. Christian legions are demanding Krunt make good on his promises of a new flood, a rapture and free access to Jesus - in exchange for their votes. And his own base are agitating for earlier campaign pledges to be delivered, namely tougher rules on law and order, free guns, free dollars, free beer and improved sexual opportunities.
And not forgetting his event sponsors who have paid for good product placement backed up with populist policies to guarantee sales.
It's not looking good.
He has got to find a way to please everyone, sell his choice of state religion, keep his wife and mistress happy, give his rivals a very public slap, and threaten his enemies both at home and abroad - then get his campaign back on track by overhauling his challenger before it is too late. Tonight he's going to give them the speech of his life, mix it up with a bit of theatre and hopefully hit a home run - or two - to get the vote out.
This is the speech to make it all right.
What could possibly go wrong?
