Publisher's Synopsis
As Lovers Do is both a profound analysis of the issues that stop men and women from getting along, and a practical guide for creating deeper relationships and having better sex. Starting with the basic idea that men's natural role and deepest desire is to support women, take care of them and attempt to make them happy -- an idea that is frequently ridiculed and denied in our post-conventional society, which pretends that men and women are the same -- we then review new models and distinctions on sexual relationships which carry the potential to dramatically improve the quality of our intimate relationships, and even to end patriarchy as we know it.
Some of the wise and powerful teachers whose ideas are reviewed are: Scott Peck and Jerry Jud on human loving; David Deida, Victor Baranco and Alison Armstrong on sexual polarity, sacred sexuality and female orgasm; Marshall Rosenberg, Dale Carnegie and Werner Erhard on emotional communication; Mark Manson and Steve Bodansky on sexual attraction and seduction; and Dieter Duhm on internalized oppression. Some of these great teachers are still alive, others have passed-on; all of them built significant learning communities; but "As Lovers Do" is the only summary and integration of these powerful ideas into a comprehensive system for understanding man/woman relationships. If you don't know who these teachers are, and why their ideas are important, you are in for an eye-opening experience! Also included, is a large section on training resources and emotional communication tools, some of which have never been published before, including the powerful practice of Withholds and "you don't need to get what you want if you can express what you want."
Sexual intimacy is one of the deepest human needs, and yet the one that is most frequently repressed and denied -- doubly so as men and women often repeatedly act out self-destructive patterns in pursuit of their sexual and relational needs. We do this, mostly, out of ignorance, attempting to follow social norms that are broken and lead to poor results. In reality, relating powerfully to the opposite sex is a lot easier than most people imagine, once you get the basic ideas which are presented here.
Note: the book is written from a male perspective and therefore should be of particular interest to young men, who are as a rule shockingly and tragically ignorant about women. However there is wisdom here for people of all ages and genders.
A few reviews:
"While the popular culture is still sending couples into "couples counselling" and using the medical model to pathologize one or both members of a couple who are struggling, there has been a plethora of new thought about how to actually SUCCEED at relationship. Mark has been a student of these new pioneers for at least 20 years, and has essentially written THE survey text book about this body of new thought." - Max Rivers, Marriage Counselor & NVC Facilitator
"This book unites some of the best ideas that have been developed by modern day experts in the fields of sexuality and relationship. Marc has chosen the best information from each to enable the reader to evaluate and create a better relationship with a partner, the world and with one's self. He gives you enough time with each master to get the main ideas that they have described, allowing us to delve further if we so wish by including many references. After reading this book I felt better, more aware, more in love and kinder to myself, my lover and to my friends. " - Steve Bodansky, Sex Educator, Bestselling Author of "Extended Massive Orgasm" and 3 other books
