Publisher's Synopsis
I would like to see my retellings of classic literature used in schools, so I give permission to the country of Finland (and all other countries) to buy one copy of this eBook and give copies to all students forever. I also give permission to the state of Texas (and all other states) to buy one copy of this eBook and give copies to all students forever. I also give permission to all teachers to buy one copy of this eBook and give copies to all students forever.Teachers need not actually teach my retellings. Teachers are welcome to give students copies of my eBooks as background material. For example, if they are teaching Homer's "Iliad" and "Odyssey," teachers are welcome to give students copies of my "Virgil's 'Aeneid': A Retelling in Prose" and tell students, "Here's another ancient epic you may want to read in your spare time."This is an easy-to-read retelling of William Shakespeare's "Love's Labor's Lost." People who read this version first will find the original play much easier to read and understand.An excerpt: Biron knew who was the tattletale. He had already criticized Boyet as an affected dandy who kept ladies entertained. He said to Boyet, "And aren't you the one who ruined our sport and made us thus untrue to our vows?"Don't you know my lady's foot by the squire - uh, square? Don't you have her measure? Don't you know how to please her?"A square is a measuring instrument. "My lady" was a generic term for an upper-class woman. As a ladies' man, Boyet had my lady's measure, and he knew how to please her and how to squire - escort - her. The Princess, and especially Rosaline, could easily have thought that "my lady" referred to her, but they ignored that interpretation.The word "foot" was similar to the French word "foutre," which means "fuck."Biron continued, "Don't you laugh upon the apple - the pupil - of her eye? Don't you keep her entertained so that you can be at the center of her attention? Don't you laugh with her at the things she likes to laugh at?"One meaning of the word "eye" was "vagina." Biron was saying that Boyet laughed as he had vaginal sex.Biron had used the words "squire" and "apple." In this society, "an apple-squire" meant "a pimp."Biron continued, "Don't you stand between her back, sir, and the fire, holding a trencher, and jesting merrily?"One meaning of what Biron had said was that Boyet acted as a fire screen and kept my lady from getting too hot as she faced away from him.Another meaning involved "stand" as "erection" and "fire" as "vagina." With that meaning, Boyet stood behind my lady and put his "stand" in the hole between the woman's "fire" and her back. Often, the word "trencher" means "plate," but it can also mean "knife." Here, the trencher was a phallic symbol. One meaning of "to jest" is "to amuse oneself and others."Biron continued, "You put our page - Mote - out of countenance. "Go on and mock me, you are allowed. You are a fool, and licensed fools are allowed to say whatever they want."Die whenever you will, a smock - a petticoat - shall be your shroud. You shall be buried like the woman you are."In this society, the word "die" also meant "have an orgasm." Biron was also saying that Boyet had sex while wearing women's clothing.Boyet smiled derisively at Biron, who said, "You leer upon me, do you? There's an eye that wounds like a leaden sword."A leaden sword was not a real sword; it was a property sword - one used in theatrical productions. (Wooden swords were also used as stage props.) It was also another phallic symbol. "Vagina" is Latin for "sheath" - a good place to put a sword.Boyet replied, "Very merrily has this brave manage, this career, this gallop of words at full speed, been run."
