Publisher's Synopsis
"I'm not everything I want to be, but I'm more than I was, and I'm still learning."
The 4th book from Swedish songwriter & author Charlotte Eriksson is a narrative journey of both prose and poetry, meditating on the joys and struggles of growing up. It's about consciously creating yourself, finding a place in the world and not being afraid to get lost on the way.
"I get so goddamn lonely and sad and filled with regrets some days. It overwhelms me as I'm sitting on the bus, watching the golden leaves from a window; a sudden burst of realisation in the middle of the night. I can't help it and I can't stop it. I'm alone as I've always been and sometimes it hurts.
But I'm learning to breathe deeply through it and keep walking. I'm learning to make things nice for myself. To comfort my own heart when I wake up feeling sad. To find small bits of friendship in a crowd full of strangers. To find small bits of joy in a blue sky, from a trip somewhere not so far away. A long walk on an early morning in December, or a handwritten letter to an old friend with nothing but "I thought of you. I hope you're well."
No one will come and save you. No one will come riding on a white horse and take all your worries away. You have to save yourself, little by little, day by day. Build yourself a home. Nurture your body. Find something to work on. Something that makes you excited, something you want to learn. Get yourself some books and learn them by heart. Get to know the author, where he grew up, what books he read himself. Take yourself out for dinner. Dress up for no one but you and simply feel nice. It's a lovely feeling, to feel pretty. You don't need anyone to confirm it.
I get so goddamn lonely and sad and filled with regrets some days, but I'm learning to breathe deep through it and keep walking. I'm learning to make things nice for myself. Slowly building myself a home with things I like. Colours that calm me down, a plan to follow when things turn dark. A few people I try to treat right, even though I don't sometimes, but it's my intention to do so. I'm learning.
I'm learning to make things nice for myself. I'm learning to save myself.
I'm trying, as I always will."
___________ Quotes and poetry from Charlotte Eriksson's books have been shared on large platforms such as The Artidote, Berlin ArtParasites, Thought Catalog, Bella Grace Magazine and To Write Love On Her Arm. Her books have created a global community and have to date sold over 50,000 copies worldwide. ___________ Love does the job. traveling too. writing does it. music. Also art, whisky, dark-colored flowers and watching the landscape change in October. Driving on a small road somewhere in Italy with a beautiful boy and I don't want to be anywhere else in the whole wide world than right there, with him, in that very car, smiling. But I close my eyes for one second and the moment is gone. I'm back to getting high on empty roads somewhere in Sweden and I'm the loneliest girl in the whole damn world and I just want all things beautiful. I just want the music, the literature, the art and the moments of driving in a car with a beautiful boy in Italy.but here, alone, I have no cares in the world. I have no cares in the world. I just want it all to be beautiful.
______________ For readers of Joan Didion, Patti Smith, May Sarton, Brianna Wiest, Anne Morrow Lindbergh and Yung Pueblo.
