Publisher's Synopsis
This book Beyond Four Boarders is about marriage challenges of the South African citizens who are married to Africans from Africa. The damage of the division of Africa a long time ago still is felt today. The different languages, cultures, perceptions, and stereotypes. Some South African mothers even go to the extent of cursing their daughters married to Africans from Africa. Some African mothers from Africa also don't approve South African ladies. We need to address this in order to allow our children to marry those they love. In this book I'm focusing on those who are struggling in marriages. These are usually the middle class and the lower class people. The rich don't experience these challenges. God gave me the title Beyond Four Boarders based on that my husband Katalay was beyond four boarders when I wrote this book. Katalay comes from Democratic Republic of Congo, when traveling by road, he goes through Zambia (2 boarders), Zimbabwe (2 boarders) then enter South African boarder. L'amour and I suffered hardship when Katalay was in Congo for over four years. The lies, gossiping, humiliation at home, in the community and some churches. The false beliefs that "foreign nationals marry South African women for identity document and to get resources. That African men from Africa come to South Africa already married and marry South African women as second wives. Denying African men from visiting their parents and siblings accusing them of visiting their wives and children. Now also added is falsely accusing foreign nationals of being human traffickers without any proof". Children of South Africans and African parents hide their identities at school for fear of discrimination. My daughter L'amour is asked by her classmates what nationality she is. They don't understand why her name is L'amour and not an African name. Some women and children why L'amour is taller that her classmates. There are children from various African countries who hide their identities because the moment it is know they are called derogative names. One day I took L'amour at a public park, I heard some kids between 7 - 10 years old telling a young Zimbabwean boy to go to his country and stop using a South African swing. The boy just kept quiet and kept playing. I did watch to make sure the boy was not beaten by his bullies. As individuals we have to make sure we promote loving our fellow human beings in spite of where they come from. There are people who think I'm from Africa and not a South African. That does not bother me. This happened even before the democracy of South Africa. I remember applying for an identity document, I spent two years going to Home Affairs Department, every Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays after school to apply for my identify document. Home Affairs told me to go to Zimbabwe or Mozambique to bring my father. What a humiliation it was. This book is also based on my personal challenges being married to a Congolese and of others I have met with similar problems. My domineering and controlling mother and relatives rejecting my husband. My husband's domineering and controlling mother who rejected me. Katalay's mother and sister calling me a foreigner, on the other hand my mother, siblings and some relatives calling Katalay a foreigner. These inflictions of pain went on for over 10 years of our marriage. When they failed on talking they resorted to witchcraft. It is unfair that parents choose for their children who to marry. To claim to care and protect their children. The phenomenon of choosing marriage partners by parents for their children is an unfair practice. Such parents usually have their interest in heart and not that of their children. Some of these children after agreeing to the arranged marriage they turn to drugs and alcohol to deal with the pressure. Some even abuse their spouses.
