Publisher's Synopsis
True Stories from the kitchen, laundry room, and beyond. A must laugh rag for new and tattered mothers. In the likes of Erma Bombeck, Jean Kerr, or Dave Barry, new best selling author Susan Chiofalo has captured the essence of motherhood, and let us tell you, it reeks of humor. In possibly the most comical book of it's kind, Susan has taken the crap of life as a childrearing family woman and polished it into a witty series of poetic short stories. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry. It just might make you wet yourself. So hire a sitter, lock the bedroom door, put on your favorite sweatpants, and crawl into bed, as we traverse down memory lane together, reflecting on the most meaningful experiences of our lives, and how we barely survive.1. THE POWER BEHIND THE THRONE - My mother makes the mistake of handing down the crown, and lived to regret it.2. THE MATERNAL OLYMPICS - Mom took the gold for "Cleanliness", and I misplaced the medal.3. THE TORCH IS PASSED AGAIN - Mom hands the torch down to me, and I in turn begin to prime a few hopefuls of my own.4. AMAZING GRACE - How I married the Italian Stallion, and how my mother-in-law achieved sainthood through prayer and mostly, worry.5. TROUBLE ALWAYS COMES IN THREES - Our third daughter attains teenager status before the age of ten.6. NOT A GHOST OF A CHANCE - Our son, the walking skeleton, is threatened by the ghost that he keeps in his closet.7. SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT - How our son survived infancy sustained on his toenails, while our teenagers can't survive one day without eating us out of the house and then grazing on the lawn.8. THE LITTLE STARS IN MY EYES - I deal with my desire to launch my children to stardom only to see my dreams of the stage go up in smoke. Includes: "The Making of Sarah Heartburn".9. THE MOST IMPROVED MOTHER OF THE YEAR - How a bag lady of fashion made the honor roll-on open school night.10. THE GUILT LOBE - The Guilt Lobe is what makes mothers tick.11. GROWING PAINS - A medical journal that attests to the fact that my children may be aging faster than I am.12. IT TAKES A STRONG CONSTITUTION - The oath our oldest daughter took to protect her unalienable right to be a total slob.13. READ IT AND WEEP - Why I fear that our second daughter won't graduate college until all the jobs are gone.14. THE DEMON OF THE DUST - When limited intelligence meets with unlimited power, the result is a little league referee.15. CAMP COMMOTION - We set the evolution of man back over thousands of years in an attempt to vacation at home.16. COOPED UP IN A COUPE - Warning: this chapter is not for those with a weak stomach, as it contains a short play.17. IF THIS IS MY BREAK, WHY AM I CRACKING UP? - We take our traditional vacation to Club Dread.18. A FOOL AND HIS RULE - I go head to head with the brains on child-rearing and lose mine completely.19. THE FINAL FÊTE - Mother's Day may prove to be her last.20. HOW I FAILED SUPERMARKET 101 - How Mrs. Brady, Aunt Bea, and Mrs. Cleaver got away with murder in the kitchen.21. IT'S NOT FAIR! - I look forward to the annual School Science Fair the way I look forward to a case of head lice.22. THE HAND THAT ROCKED THE BOAT - How the mothers of Crop-duster managed to miss the entire message of the Woman's Rights Movement.23. MY SECRET IDENTITY - Which asks the poignant question: "If I wear more labels than a garment on the clearance rack, how come I don't know who I am?"24. A CROWN CONTENDER - After four babies, I still can't pin a cloth diaper. Mom forgot how.
