Publisher's Synopsis
I like living. Dying's gonna suck. I wish I had more time for living-but I don't.
I'm a natural-born adventurer (cloaked as an engineer)-who's lived at the edges of risk without overwhelming fear of dying. Yeah, I know it's always a possibility. But real adventure is flirting with death-and I've flirted. Life's not often dull with my attitude, and I get my butt kicked occasionally. I accept that. I struggle, though, with tragedies stemming from risks I didn't take. That's why you're reading this. A string of emotional knockdowns left me stunned and disoriented before I started this book. This writing was my search for yet another "new normal." Getting back from the beatings (this time) took a journey of multiple courses: from hopelessness to cautious optimism, from confusion to understanding, from abandonment to reconciliation, and from sadness back to something more joyful. And I documented it all-exposing my emotions (and relationships) as I recovered. The writing's real and sometimes raw, but there's a lot of fun here too. I'd long fueled my lively spirit with outdoor adventures-shared with my "band" of "brothers." We challenged the canyons, mountains, and trails of the west with enthusiasm and camaraderie. But all that broke. In a rush, a close friend died, others moved away, and I got sick. Sudden grief (and fear of loneliness) then crushed me for a bit-with another challenge bearing down. I escaped my darkness and rebuilt before (with the magic of time-and female compassion), but there was little time available. I needed a quick recovery. Writing helps me think, so I started writing with purpose while counting down the days to my next physical struggle. I began this journaling journey then, as I always do as an outdoor adventurer-I stopped, looked back, and got oriented first. How did I get here? How did I get past prior troubles? I examined relationships and outdoor dramas that held clues to my recovery-and in the process, discovered a few new and surprising fundamental truths.- Setbacks and tragedies compound and complicate each other. I must untangle that stuff in my head to deal with issues separately.
- I need a complete tribal "band"-an egalitarian grouping of folks I know and trust. I'll find myself lonely and searching for someone if I don't fill each position in my group.
- Sometimes, a key partner is critical. I might not have made it without that understanding "someone" in the ditch with me. I don't know why all of my emotional rescuers were female-but they were.
